The Importance of Religious Same-Sex Marriage, and the Weddings Initiative

On 4^th August 2021, the Unitarian General Assembly held an excellent online presentation, “Religious Same-Sex Marriage: Why It Matters”, which I attended, along with many other Unitarians including Margaret Robinson from Stockton Unitarians – you may have seen her write-up in the Inquirer. Part of the joy of being a Unitarian is having your mind opened to things outside your own experience that you hadn’t previously thought of; it may not always be comfortable, but it’s necessary if you want to grow. Derek McAuley, our former Unitarian Chief Officer, gave a recap of the campaign for religious same-sex marriage, which began in 2009.

Derek himself was one of the leaders of this campaign, and his talk was followed by information about how many places of worship are registered for same-sex marriage in England, then some very moving research and testimonies about the importance to same-sex couples of being able to marry in a religious setting. Academics Silvia Falcetta, Paul Johnson and Robert M. Vanderbeck shared their findings about couples’ experiences of trying to find out where they could marry, and how many feared making contact with places of worship to ask about this because they feared rejection – a rejection they had often experienced from religious communities in the past. Several of the Unitarian same-sex couples who spoke about their experiences described how much it meant to them to have their wedding day a part of their religious and spiritual life, with their commitment to each other made publicly in the sight of their friends, their family, their commitment, and their truest beliefs.

I came away powerfully reminded of the importance of rites of passage ceremonies to the spiritual life of a congregation. Newcastle upon Tyne Unitarians’ building is not currently registered for same-sex marriage, although same-sex couples in our city are able to marry at St. James’ URC church nearby. We would like to do this, but the building’s impending sale means we have not been able to.

Not having a minister, or a suitably-trained and willing lay celebrant, is also an issue. It is not necessary to have someone available from the community who own the building to conduct such ceremonies in order to register it for same-sex marriage – couples can arrange for someone to marry them within the building – but it is something of a barrier to our freely offering such ceremonies.

Interestingly, Rev. Melda Grantham, the Weddings Lead for the General Assembly, has recently invited all congregations to take part in a survey of weddings and their role within the UK Unitarian movement, and has invited us all to: “take part in a ‘Celebration of Love’, a nationwide initiative which will take place between the 25th January which marks Dydd Santes Dwynwen, the Welsh Patron Saint of Lovers (read her story here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dwynwen) and 14^th February, which of course is St. Valentine’s Day. It will be an opportunity to invite couples who have been married in your building, along with their families, friends, those who are planning to get married, the local community, anyone, and everyone, to a special event which can take any form that you would like. It could be a low-key Sunday service, but it could also be a huge, spectacular, extravaganza of celebration, – the choice is yours. We will help you to promote your events which should bring some positive publicity for our Unitarian congregations and our inclusive, welcoming ethos.”

Perhaps thinking about rites of passage, including weddings, is one of the challenges for our future, as we move forwards into a new era? Let’s hope so!